I've heard lately, "It's easy for you."
I have heard "you're pretty" and "special" and "you have a guy that loves you." They say they are not as strong or pretty, so they can't do what I do.
I want to share with you what it takes to uphold this level of functioning. And I want to take you on a journey of where I've been.
My brows are not my brows. They are only partially my brows.
I have had A LOT of laser hair removal on my face and still need more because I'm a hairy Mediterranean. Kids used to tease me and I heard about it as I got older too. I started waxing when I was 8.
I work out very often and I still do not feel that I'm at my strongest, but I'm getting there. Still working on reclaiming my body from trauma and living in it fully.
I eat healthy usually because I'm pretty bitchy when I eat certain foods.
I had braces but need them again because my teeth are British apparently. Adult braces hur I come!
I've been making lots of little mistakes lately because I didnt know where my glasses are, and they have been sitting on my desk right infront of me for weeks. (very simple human things can evade me like finding my glasses, directions, cleaning up after myself, etc)
The writing that draws my clients to me is also the writing that makes a lot of people roll their eyes or viciously attack me.
I've heard every name in the book because of my breasts and the content I share.
I have spent many years doing the following and continue to work on this at times:
- intense trauma therapy
- forgiving my abusers
- bringing other people close to me into therapy to talk shit out
- heal my disordered eating, addiction to unhealthy relationships
- attend CODA meetings: http://coda.org/
- go to school endlessly (because I dropped out a bit there in the beginning due to depression). I got a grad degree in a field I don't even work in anymore however the education is the basis of all that I do.
- almost quit every program or thing I was ever in due to feeling some kind of hatred & attack from women
- being miserable and pathetically chasing after boys until I decided to stop chasing and let myself be pursued
- reading books on boundaries, healing, trauma
- Studying trauma's impact on the body from expert Bessel Van Der Kolk
- getting pretty much thrown out of establishments or receiving very harsh rejections due to being different, questioning the norm, my big mouth, etc
- attending seminars and trainings that have kicked the ass of my ego and pissed me off to no end but made me better (Landmark Forum by Larry Pearson Jr)
- putting my husband through bootcamp in the beginning of our relationship demanding that we talk things out and through for hoursssss #sorrynotsorry
- pulling my husband to therapy with me to work on issues BEFORE we got married
- going to many retreats specifically geared to healing trauma by powerhouse experts like Kate Lampe & Carrie Culverhouse Neithamer
- getting a sponsor and doing a deep dive into humility in overeaters anonymous, becoming a sponsor, leading meetings. If you struggle with food issues of any kind check them out: http://www.oabigbooksolutiongroup.org/. I did the work on the way to my wedding (I called a newcomer) and was able to stay calm even though my veil was left behind.
- getting my heart broken a lot by trying to be liked instead of respected
- never ending study to keep me on the cutting edge of trauma healing and women's sexuality.
You don't have to be perfect to have a business, have a healthy body and a healthy relationship, or any of the things that you want.
In fact if someone seems perfect, they most definitely are not. Don't waste your time comparing yourself, that's a crapshoot. It's like driving and never looking at the road ahead of you but at the other drivers. That's bonkers and will get you flipped off.
You just gotta work hard and be diligent about pursuing your passion with all of your being. I went through the mud and had to learn a lot and I will teach it to you, if you're ready.
I work like hell and wouldn't change it for the world.
To working like hell.