My family has this wonderful superpower of making me feel like an idiot.
Okay, I know I choose to let them make me feel this way, but man alive.
Sometimes I wonder what it would take to have some people in my family take me seriously.
To see me.
To appreciate who I am and what I bring to the world.
To ask for my help with things I'm really damn amazing at like: having the life they WANT and creating a legacy by healing themselves, first.
It's pretty comical and kinda painful!
I have women from ALL OVER THE WORLD paying me top dollar to make sure that they are moving forward in their lives and creating the lives OF THEIR DREAMS and I feel INVISIBLE at the dinner table when it comes to talking about my work or what I do.
Now this isn't with all of my family, or even the ones I've known the longest, but it still seems to get me feeling all sorts of funky.
I take it personally that people don't ask about me or listen when I speak and then I realize...
IT IS NOT PERSONAL
What I'm doing in the world is pretty rad.
Actually it's pretty revolutionary.
I am a woman helping other women.
It brings stuff up in people.
I talk about healing abuse, our wounds, I talk about what life is like hanging out in our wounds and what life is like on the other side, and it's stuff that just isn't the typical dinner time conversation.
I forget that what I do, who I am, what I stand for: radical expression, power, and joy, are special, and not everyone is going to recognize me or give me a pat on the back.
There's something about family though.
I can't help but truly crave to be appreciated and congratulated.... JUST A LITTLE BIT. And I've decided to not try to shut that down anymore or pretend everything is cool, when it's not.
It's just not easy being vulnerable when I'm ready to get shut down.
They way I heal this is by changing what I make it mean, when I feel ignored.
I make it mean: that I'm not really appreciated or liked for me.
When I could make it mean: my work, my passions, the loves of my life, are simply not my family's too.
Connecting today with a session with one of my badass clients, Kelsie, (who said it would be cool to mention her), I was inspired and fully realized that my family are NOT MY TARGET MARKET.
Like some people will be like totally confused and turned off by what we do in the world, and that's okay, because there are other people who are turned ON and who are meant to ROCK the work!
Such a profound realization!
The way to heal this for me is by letting that be and trusting that it is okay.
It is by speaking up when I want to shut down, asking a question when I want to feel bad, leaning in when I would normally just walk away.
I talk about what is not being talked about and ask questions about what is not seen, because that is just who I am, and if I'm not being me, then I'm pretty damn miserable and only a shell of myself.
I say, "Please wait," when I'm explaining something and I feel talked over.
I ask, "What is going on here when I share? What is happening?" When I feel like the air around me goes thin when I begin to speak about how much I am in love with the woman I serve and the reality of what I get to do: watch them wake up to their innate genius EVERY DAMN DAY.
I'm still healing this and will work with a couple people on it soon to focus more on what I can do, instead of pointing my fingers at someone else waiting for them to INVITE me to share and roll out a carpet for me. I get to take up space and be part of the team, just like everyone else.
How do you deal with feeling different?
Do you feel seen in your family?
Do you appreciate how similar/different you are?
Do you fit in and just talk about what everyone else wants to talk about, or do you also share on things that are important to you too?
No one will know us unless we tell them who we are.
To speaking up.