What is it about getting your period that makes you question EVERYTHING?
This is what this holy cycle looks like for me:
Woman feels good.
Woman rocks it like she should.
Woman gets PMS.
Woman wants to destroy things with her laser eyes.
Woman gets period and wants to eat/cry/fight her way through life.
Woman starts to feel like Jessica Jones again and is back to saving the day and fighting crime.
It's not as if I haven't faced this period thing before, but every single time is like the FIRST TIME. Not like in a sexy cute "awwww feels like the first time," kind of way, but more like "WHAT IS THIS THING TAKING OVER MY OVARIES?!?!" I often go through this brief sense of shock like, "Me? Tired, lethargic, and hopeless?! HOW DARE I!!!!!"
I shared today in our BodyLove Goddess Facebook group just what it feels like in my body: a letting go and death of all that does not serve my holy ass.
It is less like a sexy tampon commercial with a woman doing a downward dog in her white yoga pants and more scrolling Facebook like a crack addict looking for proof about why I'm not as good as everyone else.
Spiritually chic? Not so much.
And today I'm getting that this is exactly how it should be. If I didn't get my period I would never really question ANYTHING. I would be totally cool maintaining the status quo without having a burning hunger for something more. I would also keep trying to do ALL the things instead of letting go what isn't for me right now.
Our period does that: makes us REACH, long, desire, need, hunger, want. It makes us cut out and let go. It has us doing all of those messy dirty things that stir us up and leave us unsettled. The things that our daily grind doesn't leave time for us to tend to, but we make space for because our soul and body depend on it.
Nothing or no one can really "fix" our period. In fact, the feeling that we need to feel better, have energy, face the day like little warriors not on estrogen rollercoasters, is fucking silly.
The truth is we deserve to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable, honoring the quiet time of nothingness, of death, of bleakness, of the crone, of what feels like the opposite of a party in our pants.
It's okay to both want people with you and hate the world ALL AT THE SAME TIME. It's okay to feel scared, to question why, how, where, when. To not do too much of anything special other than draw a tarot card and light a candle.
Today I drew the Strength card. It means patience, mastery of emotions, and courage. What I'm getting from this old gorgeous divine universe who is alive and well in me even when I don't feel her, The Menstruation Decree, Baby:
Old wounds are stirred around your period, and it is okay. Let them be stirred, raw again, and reappear. Let them whisper to you what they need right now which is often the simplest of things: a blanket, hot tea, the permission to watch something sappy that makes you cry. You need not go digging into them and telling the world about them, as they are here again just for your precious eyes, only. They want your hands to hold them kindly.
Sometimes you may want to numb away the death, nothingness, and letting go that is alive in you. To cling or find something to worry about. When you notice it give yourself full permission to be alone especially when your energy is low and the forcefield around you is extra sensitive. Write down all that you're letting go of and let it be a declaration of your freedom with bad spelling and sub par metaphors (you don't always have to be brilliant).
Notice how every breath is gentle, soft, small, and let yourself be your breath and really feel it moving slowly through you and your vulva, vagina, ovaries, and womb space.
Remember this is a sacred ugly badass rite of passage that your ancestors endured, just like you. We gotta face this death to find what's on the other side of it. Feel their strength, their kindness, their knowing surround you. Even if you can't find their wisdom (as it's really hard to think on days like this), let yourself be held energetically in their loving embrace.
It's there, you can always feel it along with the Divine Mother humming to you softly.
To the sacredness of nothingness and feeling like shit,