Some serious shiz went down this week.
I woke up the day after the election and ran to my phone and almost threw up when I saw who was president. It felt like losing someone important and also being faced with an abuser that I just cannot get away from. One that people are trying to convince me is a "good guy," but I know, deep down, they are wrong.
I got sad thinking about what this means for our society. What are our true values? Is it money or is it equality? Is it the love and kindness to all or is it patriarchy? Is it sexism or is it humility and love?
I immediately went into planning mode. I know what I'm going to do personally be a force of good, but it's not yet time for me to share this with you. It feels all too raw, fresh. Just like we don't run a mile on a broken leg, we take time resting and recuperating. When someone dies it's not cool to say, "Well they're in a better place and it was God's will." That's totally bypassing the real and raw reality of what it's like to acknowledge that someone has lost something important. So right now I just quietly nod and I'm listening.
If you're outraged, if you're sad, if you're scared, if you're lonely, if you're in disbelief know that is all SO GOOD. We cannot bypass this grief to run straight to where we should go next, because we really don't know yet. We don't have to have a witty response to this because we are thinking before we speak, and when we speak you can bet our words will ignite a nation in passionate hunger for true change and growth.
For me, this is calling me out of the dark of my quiet politeness. I have often not spoken about the things that are important to me, because I did not want to offend people nor really take a side or a stand. I've been quiet about what I believe in, with some of the ones closest to me knowing little of what makes me tick. I went into hyper vigilant mode to protect myself from what I could perceive as attack, and as a result, I didn't speak up.
But now I'm being called to speak. I'm being called to question, to identify what I want. What has happened is telling me that I can no longer quietly go along with male worship and female bashing. It's easy to make my work about empowering women, and write about it on my Facebook, but it's a whole other story speaking up about it around the dinner table. From a small scale to big, I get to use my voice because it's more important than ever.
Today I'm not feeling that sense of hugeness. Today I rest. I go inward. I'm going to eat pasta, drink wine, and celebrate St. Martin's Day. I'm going to remind myself that the world is not over, and I still get to enjoy myself and take deep breaths. I'm going to let myself be quiet but also notice that feeling I get when I want to speak up, that vibrating of strength in my chest. And instead of ignoring it, I'm going to let it out.
I'm holding space and leading a discussion on the reality of what has occurred and how it is impacting us, especially those of use who have experienced victimization at the hands of a man. We're going to have space to learn about why this is so triggering for some, while learning ways to soothe ourselves and find our voice. Your voice unedited, true, raw, real from your heart, is quite literally saving our world. Thank you for it. Collective healing is happening, and it beings with us. Sign up for our private call on November 30th here (RSVP required): http://eepurl.com/cm2AhP.
Forward this link to a sister to invite her to our awesomeness here: http://mariapalumbo.com/-virtual-jam-with-maria/
And one more piece of love for you as you bravely face these early days post the election:
I wrote an article a few weeks back about CLAIMING your DIVINE RIGHT to love your body, your mind, to be free of the claws of patriarchy, of sin, or any other lie you've been told. Reading it makes me cry with a delicious sense of safety and hope. May it hold your heart too. Article called, "The Final Seduction": http://www.rebellesociety.com/2016/11/10/mariapalumbo-seduction/
Love you sister,